Interleague play begins tonight as the Reds travel to the Bronx. Crazy and eccentric inventor Gunther “Atomic” Padagowski has been working on a time machine helmet for a decade and now he thinks he’s got it.

“I put it on see just like that.” Gunther told our reporter. “I hit the lever see just like that. It works!”

Gunther apparently thinks he’s gone back in time since tonight’s game in New York will feature Andy Pettitte squaring off against Bronson Arroyo.

“Both them guys is long since retired. I know they are. Pettitte was gone. Haven’t seen Arroyo since A-Rod slapped him. Time machine works I done gone back in time!”

While Pettitte did retire, he came back this year and has already made one start. Arroyo didn’t retire, he was traded from Boston to Cincinnati 6 years ago.

“Red Sox, Reds…same diff isn’t it?”

The series kicks off at 7:05

The shoe company Skechers has been fined 40 million dollars by the FTA after it was discovered that their "Shape-ups" don't give you a slimmer and more sexy body just by wearing them.

Alot of people who want to look good but not actually do anything are angry.

"I had them damned things on for 3 weeks." Said obese man Clay Bigoria." "I wore them stupid things to McDonalds every day. Never lost a pound."

"I demand a refund." Said a hefty woman, Bertha Battles. "I don't look anything like Kim Kardashian after wearing those shoes. It's just another example of corporate greed."

Even CC Sabathia is rumored to own a pair.

"If they didn't make CC lose weight, what the hell chance do I have?" Bigoria said again. "I'm going back to my Keds."

We don't know what's more ridiculous, the fact that people actual thought wearing a weird shaped shoe would make your body look better, or that the shoes looked like something a moron would wear.

Who did the Yankees trade to get Curtis Granderson?

We are accepting answers up until midnight tonight and will pick 5 winners. Email the correct answer to bronxgoblin@gmail.com and if you are selected, you win a keg party!!!

We will contact the winner.

Must be 21 or over to win.

The Keg Party is compliments of Finnertys

For more Yankees Trivia, go to YankeesTrivia.com

After losing Mariano Rivera for the season with an ACL injury, the Yankees have now placed the replacement closer David Robertson on the 15 day DL with a strained oblique. The two closers have combined for 612 career saves for the Yanks, and it didn’t take long for a moronic Red Sox fan to start running his mouth.

“Riverah, gahn…Robitsahn, gahn…whats next? You gahnna lose Sahriahno too?” Said Red Sox fan Phillip Peabody. “You stupid Yanks fans made fun of us after we signed Andy Bailey. That Bailey signing is looking pretty good now!”

If you’re wondering what the hell he is talking about, the Sox traded for the A’s closer Andrew (Andy) Bailey to replace Papplebon. Before throwing a single pitch for Boston, he went on the DL with a bum shoulder and won’t be back until at least July.

“At least he will be back! We got this division!”

Still, Yankees fans are left wondering if there really is a curse on their pitching staff. The O’s took last night’s game 5-2 handing CC his first loss of the year.

Everyone already knows that Curt Schilling is a fat sloth with a terrible attitude. Did you also know that he runs a video gaming company that is failing to make payments to the state of Rhode Island?

38 Studios was lured from Massachusetts in 2010 after Rhode Island offered a $75 million loan guarantee that state officials said would help bring hundreds of jobs and millions in tax revenue. The only problem is that it didn't do any of it and burned through cash like a wild fire.

I haven't seen the games, but I am guessing that they are terrible. I am not sure why people thought his gaming company would be successful.

We talked to one of the Rhode Island officials.

"The guy pitched with a bloody sock. A bloody sock I tells ya. Of course he would be able to run a company. Right?"

We here at Bronx Goblin are not surprised one bit. We had the pleasure of sitting down with Curt a little over a year ago and he was just as much of a jackass as you would expect.

Many fans are wondering what the heck is up with 1st baseman Mark Teixeira, so naturally we decided to try and find out. We looked under rocks, but didn't find anything. We searched in cookie jars, but still nothing. Then we decided to set out and interview the most unqualified person we could find.

We came across Felix Parks a lousy manager at a bank. He knows a thing or two about wasting your day, but absolutely nothing about baseball. Perfect. We explained to him that Teixeira is batting .162 with 3 HR and 2 RBI's. It didn't matter what stats we told him, we had a feeling we'd get the same result.

His response:

"When the power goes out, I tells our computer programmers to stay busy. Maybe Teixeira can pick up some of A-Rod's slack. Does that even make sense?"

No, what do you think Girardi should do as Manager?

"I think he should get on his case and make him feel useless. I usually sit at my desk and peek over at my subordinates to see if they are working. If they are not, I usually walk over and stand behind them tapping my foot. That usually gets them to move faster and respect me."

Actually, it probably doesn't help them.

"I wouldn't have a coffee mug that says #1 manager on it, if it wasn't true. Would I?"

Probably not.

Tex better start hitting soon!

One week after Josh Beckett cried to the media about saying he could "do what ever he wants," he looks to take the mound against Seattle.

The Red Sox are currently scrapping the bottom of last place and Beckett seems more concerned about his day's off than the team.

Idiot Manager Bobby Valentine's response to Beckett acting like a fool:

“He said he’ll be ready for Seattle, he feels great,” Valentine said. “He’ll be on the hill of thrills to give us some thrills, I think.”

Good thing, because Seattle is another awful team with a record of 16-20.

The battle of two loser teams continues.

Professional bird watcher and Orioles fan Gary Featherstepper will be in his usual spot in the bleachers of Camden Yards tonight as the Yankees travel to Baltimore.

“Got me my binoculars, got me a Coors Light, got me a bag of pretzels. I’m ready to go.”

Featherstepper has spent 20 years following the Orioles and watching various birds around Baltimore.

“Ain’t never spotted an actual Oriole outside the stadium. Well, except that time I peeped in on Cal Jr in the shower. He weren’t too happy.”

What kinds of unusual birds have you seen?

“Baltimore gots a lot of pigeons. Some crows. That’s about it, it’s kinda a dirty city.”

The Yankees are hoping to pick up some ground on the 1st place Orioles.

87 year old Kevin Millwood, now in his 53rd season, took the mound this afternoon against the Yankees "new" starter, 81 year old Andy Pettitte. Pettitte, making his first start of the season, went 6+ giving up 4 runs, walking 3 and striking out 2 but the Yankees lost to Seattle 6-2.

Andy takes the mound today.

I am sure his mother is very proud.