New York City's Museum of Modern Art is featuring a piece by British actress Tilda Swinton called "The Maybe" in which chumps will pay to see her literally sleeping in a big glass box and idiots will call it art.
With nothing else to do, Bronx Goblin's own premiere artist Pierre LePaint is planning a similar exhibit and is reaching out to sports figures to help.
"That hack's piece is called "The Maybe," Pierre said "well mine is called "The YES" and will be much grander."
Pierre once painted his cousin's garage and has been known to create art by connecting 2 pieces of trash with chewing gum.
"I will make a glass box and have star athletes sleeping in it. I will charge millions. But its not at all about the money. Its about the beauty of art."
Since ARod isn't doing anything he is a potential candidate to sleep in the box.
"ARod would be great." Pierre went on. "Perhaps Mr. Rodman once he gets fired by Donald Trump. Or even a nude Tim Tebow."
Stay tuned for details of the exhibit.
Do five wrongs make a right?
The Yankees have been stacking up a bunch has-beens. The crew is: Vernon Wells, Lyle Overbay, Ben Francisco, Brennan Boesch and Chien-Ming Wang.
In order to find out more about what these players are thinking, we talked to another low life we met on the street.
Meet Bert Eppins of the Bronx. Bert's full time job includes walking around neighborhoods looking for used cigarettes to sell to other lowlifes. He is fluent in no languages and rides a bike with two sets of training wheels on it. His house is built out of dried out fish and he has a front door made out of pipe cleaners.
"Dang Yankees. Dang Yankees got players up in there. Isn't Ben Francisco in California on that there coast?"
Bert offered excellent insight and we are glad we could pass it on to you. You all know that the Yankees are making idiotic moves, so we are making idiotic articles.
"Are you freaking kidding me? Are the Yankees that dumb to take Vernon Wells? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH?"
Not only is that the reaction of this man believed to be an Angels official, but it is also the reaction by every Yankees fan there is. We believe he is an Angels official, because he is wearing a suit and an Angels hat. Doesn't get any more official than that.
Here is what some fans had to say.
"Say what? You best not be serious holmes. Da Yankees got that loser?" ~ Patrick Bucker a retired candy bar enthusiast
"Are the Yankees looking to throw away money? Why didn't they save the money and get Russel Martin. That is BS." Franky Ferdinand, lover of days off from work.
There are many more fans that had a lot worse things to say, but this is a family blog so we couldn't display that crap.
How are you feeling with the the state of the Yankees?
57 Juan Rivera
55 Brett Gardner
53 Melky Mesa
53 Eduardo Nunez
48 Jayson Nix
18 Juan Rivera
16 Brett Gardner
15 Eduardo Nunez
15 Ichiro Suzuki
5 Juan Rivera
5 Kevin Youkilis
5 Kevin Youkilis
3 Melky Mesa
2 Ben Francisco
2 Travis Hafner
2 Ronnier Mustelier
12 Kevin Youkilis
10 Melky Mesa
6 Ben Francisco
8 Dan Johnson
7 Brett Gardner
6 Eduardo Nunez
5 Travis Hafner
5 Jayson Nix
15 Melky Mesa
12 Brett Gardner
12 Travis Hafner
11 Kevin Youkilis
5 Eduardo Nunez
3 Melky Mesa
3 Thomas Neal
3 Ichiro Suzuki
At least 30 at-bats
.333 Ichiro Suzuki
.324 Ronnier Mustelier
.324 Jose Pirela
.316 Juan Rivera
.291 Brett Gardner
To see the rest, go to The LoHud Yankees Blog
On-base plus slugging-At least 30 at-bats
Upset that the Dodgers have passed them in team payroll, the Yankees have acquired another old expensive player in OF Vernon Wells.
Wells signed a stupid contract with Toronto a few years ago and stopped playing. The contract is up in 2014 and he already has plans o retire at that point.
Unable to beat out 12 year old Mike Trout, he was expendable and the Angels had no problem dealing him.
"I'm not at liberty to have any conversations publicly about it yet, but I know what you're asking," Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said. "There's a lot of I's to dot and T's to cross to get to a finish line when you're doing something."
We can dot and cross them for you. Wells sTinks.
The Yankees decided to add their 7th washed up outfielder Vernon Wells. Why do the Yankees just keep filling in spots with mediocre old players?
Wouldn't it just be cheaper to get a couple of good players?
"Maybe the Yankees should get Jason Bay" said Fonzy Bay, cousin of Jason Bay. "He played great in NY with the Mets, he could do it again."
What will the Yankees do with Vernon? Will he be a full time player over Brennan Boesch?
Probably, but they all pretty much suck.
Last October, Derek Jeter broke his ankle during the playoffs and we're pretty sure it was because of Minka Kelly's "Jeter voodoo doll."
Complications with the same ankle will land Jeter on the DL and for the first time in 12 years he will miss opening day.
Once again, we feel the voodoo doll is to blame.
"How else would you explain a 40 year old guy hurting an ankle he broke 5 months ago?" Said a voodoo expert. "Its a no-brainer."
Is this going to be a last place season for the Yanks?
First things first, I ended the last tidbit article with the trivia question - What MLB team last made it to the World Series with less than 90 wins in the regular season?
It was (sort of) a trick question because the Tigers of last season won only 87 games, yet still made it to the World Series!
Now, April 2011, the Yankees new stadium record low attendance was less than 41,000, possibly terrible by current Yankee standards; but during the mid to late 60s, there were some ridiculously embarrassing numbers!
Famous story (which is true) occurred on Sept. 22, 1966, when the paid attendance was posted as ... wait for it ... 413. That's four HUNDRED and thirteen! The next day's crowd "exploded" all the way to 1,440! LOL
Yankees announcer Red barber (who called em as he saw them) told the TV audience that the game wasn't the important thing that day, but the attendance was (by far) the worst he had ever seen. But then he asked that the cameras pan around the stadium to show viewers.
Sadly for Red, it was also Mike Burke's first game as new team President (he being a CBS executive, and CBS had just purchased the team from Topping & Webb).
The following week, Barber was invited by Burke to lunch where he was told his contract would not be renewed. I think the team did Barber a favor, actually.
That year, the team finished 10th out of ten, the first time the Yankees were in the basement since they were the Highlanders! (And back then, the basement was only 8th!)
In 1967, the team finished 9th out of ten, so there was no end in sight. Whitey had to retire when his arm gave out, while Mantle played just one more season to try to pass Jimmy Foxx for third all time in homers. He did so with two to spare, in 1968. More about that, shortly.
With so many injuries to the New York Yankees already this season, at times it seems as though there is no one on the roster worth taking a gamble on. Everyone is either injured, coming off an injury or about to be injured (alright, maybe that last one is a bit harsh). For those who still like to remain loyal to the Bronx Bombers when drafting a made up team, here are the three who should be trusted, and when you should take them.
At times, Cano appears to be the only fully healthy body on the roster going into the 2013 season. He is in the middle of his prime seasons right now, and in a normal season, he would have been a strong MVP candidate in 2012. The Yankees are going to rely on him to produce a lot of offense this season, so expect him to be a first round pick in your draft. He should got anywhere from 4 th -7 th overall in most formats.
For all the hate Sabathia still sometimes receives, the fact of the matter is he is a consistent regular season starting pitcher. He can struggle all he wants in the postseason, but fantasy baseball owners will not care. Although he is no longer an elite left-handed pitcher, he is still a top 60 overall player in baseball. Among starting pitchers, look for him to go within the first 15 draft picks. That should mean he will be around until at least the 5 th round in most setups.
So we covered Cano and Sabathia…and that is about it for sure things for the Yankees. Yes, there is no true sure thing in sports, but those guys are consistent. Rivera is too, but can a 43-year old really be counted on when coming off major knee surgery?
Wanting to get an up-close feel of the inner workings of his team, Brian Cashman decided to pose as a player, undercover boss style.
For over a month while off-season conditioning was going on, the Yanks general manager became the newest pitcher; Brian Moneyperson. Unbeknownst to the rest of the staff, the newest southpaw was the guy who signs their checks.
"I was dopefied." Said CC Sabathia. "Is that even a word? I kept telling new fish (Cashman) what suckers the Yankees were for giving me all that loot. That probably wasn’t the best career move."
Team Captain Derek Jeter was a little smarter. "I thought something was weird, I mean, his fastball never even reached 40mph. You can’t win championships with a 40 mph fastball."
"He had me fooled." Said Texeiria. “That beard and mustache threw me for a loop.”
"It felt great to actually be a player." Cashman told us. "You'd never believe this, but I wasn't much of an athlete in school. I was actually a geekazoid. Now I get to play for the Yankees! I did find out we need some pitching help chuckle chuckle."
We also learned from janitor Steve Swiffer that Cashman wasn’t very good at mopping either, which was revealed in a short clip on the stadium jumbotron to an eruption of laughs.
Cashman later brought viewers to tears when he talked about his pitching rotation. He offered to pay for a face shaving for Joba and English lessons for Ivan Nova.
All in all this episode of Undercover Boss left us in an emotional state as usual.