Opening Day: Game #1: Red Sox at Yankees

Pitching Matchup:

LHP CC Sabathia (0-0, 0.00) vs LHP Jon Lester (0-0, 0.00)

Yankees Lineup

1. Gardner CF
2. Nunez SS
3. Cano 2B
4. Youkilis 1B
5. Wells LF
6. Francisco DH
7. Ichiro RF
8. Nix 3B
9. Cervelli C

First test passed - the Yankees handled West Point Saturday. (lol)

They dodged a bullet when Uke rolled an ankle ... but nothing serious ... which brings me back to the title of this piece.

Believe it or not, the team starts the season with Uke batting cleanup, and Heaven only knows who his protection will be.

Yet somehow, being resigned to expecting less than stellar performances in April, I think I would have batted him there too, and felt confident about it because he is motivated to prove those who thought his career was essentially over as premature. (Nothing like an intense Uke playing FOR you!)

As I recall, "wild thing" was pretty damn solid at SS this Spring, and perhaps he won't get the rookie yips!

With Ichiro, Youkilis, Nunez, Overbay, and Boesch all motivated to prove themselves by the time the big hitters return, (like they were golden in the post season last year?) I'm starting to feel more confident in the two out RBI men, whoever they turn out to be. (I seem to remember Matsui doing that when he was here, way further back, certainly Munson, Chamblis and Pinella.

Hey! Anything's possible.

Sunday night, bless them, the Astros became MLB's first winner vs. the Rangers, so there's that. (Before the euphoria fades and someone makes them eat those "what tougher league?" mumblings.

On a side note: I missed the exact moment when that young man from Louisville went down in so gory an injury that even most TV stations eschewed sensationalism and tastefully edited the exact moment out.

April foooooools!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yuk yuk yuk

Opening day is here! Forecast is callling for snow showers. That's not a joke.

Finally baseball is back!

Little Petey Baily is a 45 year old man who loves the Yankees. When he isn't watching Sponge Bob and eating cotton candy, he can be found rooting for the Yankees.

After finding out how bad they are looking this year, he became so mad, that he didn't talk to his friend Billy for a week. No phone calls, no emails, no nothing.

When Billy confronted Petey on the playground, Petey got so mad that he bet Billy that the Yankees would play like doodie heads this year.

He explains.

"No Teixeira, No Granderson, No nothing. I hate the Yankees and I hate all of you. I just can't learn math and you can't make me." he added.

We still aren't sure why a complete grownup was acting like a five year old, but we are not too happy about the Yankees either. We are also perplexed by the Yankees decision to release Juan Rivera. He had the most hits this spring.

Will you be buying Yankees tickets this year?

What the hell?

Disappointed in the Yankees lackluster offseason in which they acquired no one and all got one year older, long time fan Bobby Billingsford is not happy.

"It's not fair! Wah!"

In a division with a good young Orioles team, a Jays team that got several key free agents this winter, and an always tough Tampa team, the Yankees may not only miss the playoffs for the first time in a long time, but they may be battling their arch rival Boston - not to finish in last place.

"I wanted Hamilton, Dickey, and all the other free agents. WAH!!!! I'm not gonna eat my vegatables or come out of my room until they win it all!"

It may be a long time before anyone sees Bobby again.

In the 1980s, before George was forced out of baseball for the Dave Winfield affair, he (via remote control) turned over his baseball operation to the great CBC - "crack baseball committee".

But at one position or another, holes turned up every year, and the team chemistry ... failed to gel.

In 1984, for instance, it was Toby Harrah's .217 or Mike Pagliarullo's .239 .. at third base. Phil Nieko, at age 45, led the pitching staff!

In 1985, Pags went .239 again, and would do less in the next two years, at third. After dumping Rick Cerone, the Yanks got .223 out of Butch Wynegar. Ron Hassey, off the bench, produced more of everything!
Ron Guiidry had his last great season and won 22, but Ed Whitson (at a huge money cost) went 10-8 with 4.88 - thank you, CBC!

In '86, Wynegar's 1/2 season at .206 and Wayne Tolleson's powerless .286 left neither man over OPS of .676 ...ugh! The team won 90, but Boston won more.

On & on ... the irony is the Yankees of the 1980's were the winningest team ... for the decade, and after 1981, there were no more divisions.

But seats were in the tens of dollars, not hundreds or thousands of dollars! And the Yankees were always sitting on pretty TV revenues!

So today, what justifies these prices that put MLB in the same category as oil companies, pharmaceuticals, and drug dealers, vis-a-vis charging whatever the hell they want?

Okay, there are some incredibly talented people on this team, and that's just the DL!

My disabled status makes seeing a game anymore virtually impossible, so I'm not being victimized, except via my cable bill!

By Dan Groob, TiqIQ

Where have all the Yankees gone?

With a host of injuries and departures, the 2013 version of the New York Yankees looks markedly different from the rosters of years past. If Derek Jeter ends up opening the season on the disabled list as expected, there will only be one player from last year’s opening day lineup taking the field at Yankee Stadium on April 1st to open the 2013 season—second baseman Robinson Cano.

According to TiqIQ, New York Yankees tickets in the Bronx currently carry an average home ticket price of $89 dollars, well below that of the LA Dodgers who pace the league. Many of the lowest priced series of the season will take place in the opening months.

With the likely opening day disabled list reading like an all-star lineup, including Alex Rodriguez, Mark Teixeira, Curtis Granderson, and Jeter, fans have not exactly been excited to procure tickets to early season series against teams other than the Boston Red Sox. Even an April 25-28 series against the division favorite Toronto Blue Jays, who upon seeing a window to steal the division made a series of big time moves in the offseason, still checks in as the 5th least expensive series of the season at an average ticket price of $65 dollars.

Cheapest 5 Series (Opponent | Avg | Get-in)

4/25 - 4/28 vs TOR | $65 | $4
6/4 - 6/5 vs CLE | $64 | $6
5/14 - 5/16 vs SEA | $57 | $4
4/16 - 4/18 vs ARI | $56 | $4
4/29 - 5/1 vs HOU | $49 | $4

New York City's Museum of Modern Art is featuring a piece by British actress Tilda Swinton called "The Maybe" in which chumps will pay to see her literally sleeping in a big glass box and idiots will call it art.

With nothing else to do, Bronx Goblin's own premiere artist Pierre LePaint is planning a similar exhibit and is reaching out to sports figures to help.

"That hack's piece is called "The Maybe," Pierre said "well mine is called "The YES" and will be much grander."

Pierre once painted his cousin's garage and has been known to create art by connecting 2 pieces of trash with chewing gum.

"I will make a glass box and have star athletes sleeping in it. I will charge millions. But its not at all about the money. Its about the beauty of art."

Since ARod isn't doing anything he is a potential candidate to sleep in the box.

"ARod would be great." Pierre went on. "Perhaps Mr. Rodman once he gets fired by Donald Trump. Or even a nude Tim Tebow."

Stay tuned for details of the exhibit.

Do five wrongs make a right?

The Yankees have been stacking up a bunch has-beens. The crew is: Vernon Wells, Lyle Overbay, Ben Francisco, Brennan Boesch and Chien-Ming Wang.

In order to find out more about what these players are thinking, we talked to another low life we met on the street.

Meet Bert Eppins of the Bronx. Bert's full time job includes walking around neighborhoods looking for used cigarettes to sell to other lowlifes. He is fluent in no languages and rides a bike with two sets of training wheels on it. His house is built out of dried out fish and he has a front door made out of pipe cleaners.

"Dang Yankees. Dang Yankees got players up in there. Isn't Ben Francisco in California on that there coast?"

Bert offered excellent insight and we are glad we could pass it on to you. You all know that the Yankees are making idiotic moves, so we are making idiotic articles.

"Are you freaking kidding me? Are the Yankees that dumb to take Vernon Wells? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH?"

Not only is that the reaction of this man believed to be an Angels official, but it is also the reaction by every Yankees fan there is. We believe he is an Angels official, because he is wearing a suit and an Angels hat. Doesn't get any more official than that.

Here is what some fans had to say.

"Say what? You best not be serious holmes. Da Yankees got that loser?" ~ Patrick Bucker a retired candy bar enthusiast

"Are the Yankees looking to throw away money? Why didn't they save the money and get Russel Martin. That is BS." Franky Ferdinand, lover of days off from work.

There are many more fans that had a lot worse things to say, but this is a family blog so we couldn't display that crap.

How are you feeling with the the state of the Yankees?