Man who has trimmed his beard before wants to trim one of the Red Sox players beards

The Red Sox players have grown gross and disgusting beards all year long. Now, we are learning that another man who has a beard that he recently trimmed, is looking to trim more.

Melvin Mallards explains:

"I grew a beard for 5 months straight when I was playing on a wiffle ball team in my local town. I got fired from my job, but it was worth it." said Mallards

So, we heard you trimmed it.

"Yes I most certainly did. I did it all by myself and now I want to trim others." he added

Mallards did cut his nose off by mistake, but thinks this time he will do a better job.

"I will maybe." he concluded."


Boring-Unless you like watching a fly go up a drape

A 1 hitter against Boston, in Boston ... tells me the umpire was Larry Vanover or Joe West, and sure enough as I researched it, it was Joe west. (Vanover umped in the Bosox/Tampa series, so maybe we get spared him in the WS.)

But if it goes seven, Joe West has the plate again - oh, the horrors!

NL Dodgers were prohibitive faves from May until late August, but their lack of experience has sent them packing like the 76 Royals.

But Boston and Detroit, two of the top hitting teams in the MLB having two 1-0 games is ludicrous - yawn.

This all reminds me of the 74 Series between Oakland and the Dodgers 3-2, 3-2, 3-2, 3-1, and 3-2. Naturally , it is known as the 3-2 series.

I just spent a month in hospitals and I get tired more quickly now, so I'll cut to some trivia...

The Yankees have the record at 14, but two teams currently have 9 game WS winning streaks! Who and who?

Reggie hit 10 WS homers. In what ball park did he hit most of them?

I'll root for Boston to go all the way so I can see another (fake) Mastercard ad in which they cut off Dennis Leary's other nut!

Take care, for now.


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Fan wants Cano's contract contingent on hustle


Photo by the AP

Gordo James Jr. has a fantasy baseball team that he manages each and every year. His main pick and keeper is Robinson Cano. Cano always produced for his team, but Gordo James Jr. has some choice words for him.

"Run to first base you lazy jerk." he explained.

Cano has been known to admire his hits and some times jog to first base instead of legging it out. Over the years this has gotten to Gordo.

"I work at a doughnut shop and you never see me dogging it. I make $3.45 an hour and hustle like I am making $4.25. Never in all my years of filling doughnuts did I slow down for no one. My dad wanted me to be a carpenter. Well dad, I am what I am. get off my back."

Clearly Gordo has a few other issues to deal with, but he is very amendment that Cano picks up his game. We also later informed him of the minimum wage. He was pissed.

"Say what!?!?! I'll have to have a chat with Martha the owner of that shop. For now, Cano needs to hustle." he added.

Will the Yankees come to terms with Cano? They did with Girardi. Who's next?


Chuck Knoblauch really let himself go


Cervelli explains why he took steroids and no one cares

Sounds a like someone scripted this though..

"I felt so many times in my career a little scared I'm going to lose my job," Cervelli said. "Every year I have to go to spring training and fight for a job."

"Sometimes you listen to people who have nothing to lose; that's dangerous," Cervelli said. "When you're desperate or anxious or scared, that's when you have to step back, slow down and think about what can happen in the future with your actions in the present."

"I talked to all the kids here in the rookie league," Cervelli said. "Just be careful with your circle and the people around you, especially the people that have nothing to lose, because they don't care if you fail or are a success. I'm not going to tell anybody what they have to do, what decisions they have to make. Prevent a little bit about when you're desperate, anxious or whatever, what bad decisions you can make, so just be careful. Just listen to your heart and listen to good people."


Yankees give Girardi 4 year deal that helps pay for his braces

Word is that the deal is worth 16 million for 4 years.

Good for Joe. Good for the Yankees.

Let's sign some more players because we need them!

Buy New York Yankees tickets


Cano asks for kitchen sink


Fan: I believe the Yankees will still win division

Jimmy Crackers has been following the Yankees very closely this year. He calculates every magic number, checks out match-ups and is convinced the Yankees will still win the wild card.

"I'm no fair weather fan. First of all you have to stand by your team. First of all you got to cheer on your players. First of all, you got to wear cool looking sunglasses. Know what I'm saying?"

Frankly we didn't know what he was saying, but he continued.

"The Yankees are better than the Red Sox. The Yankees are better than Boston. They are better than everyone. I heard a guy the other day say they were done. You know what I say. I say, in times like these, you got to climb up to the top of the mountain. You got to sail to the middle of the sea. You have to climb a tall tree, but be careful, you don't want to get hurt. You know what I'm saying?"

Again, Frankly we don't, but we hope that Jimmy Crackers is right.


Magician has plan to increase Yankees magic number

With the Yanks 3 games behind the Indians for the final wildcard spot, magician Andrew Abracadab says he can save the season for the Bombers.

"The Yankees magic number for elimination is dropping by the day. There are only 7 games left so we need to increase the magic number for elimination."

Sounds good.

"Presto chango ala-kazam. I want the Yankees magic number changed to 50!"

Is that it?

"Kazing!!!!!!!"

Nothing happened.

"The Yankees will now have some extra time. They won't be elliminated this week as expected."

You didn't do anything.

"Pick a card any card. Guess what, its the Wild-card! Yankees are going to the playoffs!"

Andrew then pulled a dove out of his hat. The dove bit him and flew away.

How will the final week play out?


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