Philly welcomes douchebag Jonathan Papelbon

The Red Sox are starting to unravel. The latest jackass and fool to leave the team is no other than douchbag Jonathon Papelbon.

You may remember his dumb stares and feminine dance moves, but most just remember his consistent douchebag attitude.

To get a true feeling for what Papelbon meant to Boston, we talked to former high school bully turned present day bully Scott Fitzelmeier. Scott didn't amount to much on his own, so he conveniently got into his parent's business.

"Let's get this over with. I have to iron my polo shirt, put the collar up and play some golf. What kind of car do you drive? I have a Porsche. Your car probably isn't as nice as mine. Are we gonna start this interview or what?" he said while not letting us get a word in.

What do you think about your boy Jonathon going to Philadelphia? (we asked)

"I think he is a stand-up guy. I only like people who act like jerks to others, put people down, brag and make a lot of money. He does all of those things. Great guy. To be honest, I think I am a little too good for this interview. I have to spray on some Axe cologne and hit the gym hard. Later losers."

And with that said, Scott was gone.

I am sure no one will miss Papelbon or those jerks from high school.

Stay tuned for more baseball news as it happens.