A hipster discusses A-Rod's hip surgery

We wanted to get the inside scoop as to what is going on with A-Rods hip surgery, so we contacted some professionals.

First, we stopped someone who looked similar to Dr. Sanjay Gupta. We figured it might be him, since he had an MD on his license plate and was 3 foot 8. As it turns out, the man was Dr. Rakesh, a Gynecologist. Oopsie.

Next we approached a man who was wheeling a skeleton from his house to a car. We thought it must be a surgeon. Wrong again. It was just a guy selling his Halloween decorations.

When that plan failed, we tried to find an expert that specializes in hips. You know, I think they are called hipsters. I am still not sure why we had to meet Brian Mellows at a coffee shop in Brooklyn, but it was worth it to find out what was going on with Alex. The coffee shop had all different coffee mugs, most looked used. The chairs were also random and in the corner stood a Pac Man game from the 80's. What the heck kind of a place is this? Finally we sat down with Mellows.

"Hey man. Just got out of bed and put gel in my hair. How's things?" he said.

Can you tell us about A-Rod?

"Let me tell you about this shirt I got from the thrift shop first. Says Cheerio's on it. How dope is that? Anyway, let's make this quick, I have to pick up some new vinyl records and get skinnier."

Excuse me? We want to talk about A-Rod. What is going on with his hip? After all, you are a hipster right?

"Man, don't call me a hipster. I happen to wear thrifty clothes, sleep on my friends coach, listen to Passion Pit, eat nothing, walk around Williamsburg, work at a macaroni and cheese restaurant and wear thick glasses. That is so not hipster."

Wait, are you saying that a hipster doesn't know anything about hips?

"Don't know man, not a hipster. Sorry." he added.

We have to get back to you once we find a hip specialist.


MATSUIFAN INC. 2007