Did the Yankees create a new rule for their team to follow?

We are learning from an unreliable source, which describes all of our sources, that the Yankees brass may be instituting a must have hair policy ever since Youkilis joined the team.As you are probably aware, the Yankees have always had rules for their players: No facial hair, unless it is a neat mustache, No long hair etc...but this one comes as a surprise to us.

We wondered that since some people just can't grow hair, what would they have to do?

Hair expert Franz Smitz explains.

"I have a perfect solution. Hair transplantation. What we do is take hair from any part of the body and put it on someone's head. We take ear hair, pubes, armpit hair, whatever and then just surgically add it to someone's head."

Does it look natural?

"Oh, no. It looks terrible and obvious to anyone who walks by, but a great solution. I once took hair from a goats rump and put it on an albino guy. Looked completely absurd, but he had much more confidence and ended up getting engaged to a mule. True success story."

So, what do you recommend with Youkilis?

"That is easy. He won't be needing that stupid goatee, so I am suggesting he take it and have it placed on his head."

Will that look silly?

"Let's be honest. Youkilis looks like a damn fool. Do you really think it is going to make a difference?"

I guess not.

This is such an odd rule, but one we think may actually end up going through if the Yankees Brass is serious about it. We will be watching the developments.


MATSUIFAN INC. 2007